Not angry, just disappointed

Actually, that's a lie. Anyone who has read my previous posts will know exactly how angry I am. But that's not all the time. And the anger really stems from disappointment. I'm so disappointed that you are not the man I thought you were.

If you were a real man, you wouldn't have let me know that you liked me. You wouldn't have flirted with me when you knew that I was torn between you and Jack. You wouldn't have told me how happy you were when I broke up with him, nor that you were going to break up with her that weekend. Not if you didn't know your own mind. Because if you were a real man, you would have realised the huge effect you had had on my life and you wouldn't have taken that decision lightly. You would have worked out whether it was what you really wanted and whether you could actually go through the process of breaking up with her before you gave me any hope.

And if you were a good person, you would have told me that you were engaged before I heard it through people at work. You wouldn't have ignored me when I tried to be friends with you, and you wouldn't look scared anytime you see me or my friends.

I know you have issues with guilt. You should, too after behaving so dishonourably. But I also know that you want to be a better person, you don't want to hurt people. I know that from what you've told me about your past and your relationship. But you just lack the backbone to do anything about it. To make the hard decisions. To think your actions through before they hurt people.

And I wonder - did you ever actually tell her the truth? Did you say that you had feelings for someone else? Or did you just say it was about the problems in your relationship? If you didn't tell her, then I can't have any respect for you anymore. And what respect is left is so miniscule maybe it doesn't matter anyway. But I want to hold onto that little bit of hope that I'm not a bad judge of character. That maybe I can trust myself to make decisions about people in the future. At least give me that.